i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sext me about skeletons
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
