Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
