I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
