I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
