i think my mom watched the whole time
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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