You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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