I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
