she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
