There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
