thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize