I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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