what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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