I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
