Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize