One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
