how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
