so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
