Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
that's an acceptable place to lick
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
