Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
