I'm jealous of your bromance
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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