So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wish you could order shots online.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
