Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
