Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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