If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
