so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
