bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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