Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
