but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The feeling are messing with the penis
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
