I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
