What did we do last night that was yellow?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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