And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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