There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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