I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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