Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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