True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
