Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
