I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
