I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize