When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
