I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
