Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
