hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
