If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
