I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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