I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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