i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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