Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
