I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
