then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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