Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
