I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
