We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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