Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
