Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The adults are the big ones right?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
