Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
