Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
