Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize