"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
