he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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