Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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