Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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