after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i now understand why vodka
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
