All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
