I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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