you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
wow bdsm is so cute
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize