Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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