Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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