You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
