i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
