Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
