Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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