she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
