I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
