sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
