this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This is my gift to your gina
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
