I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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