the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize