Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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