Quick, to the slutcave!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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