At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I will pee on everything he values.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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