Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
