guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
