So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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