you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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