3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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