Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize