Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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