The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
