She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
