I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
