Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Porn is love you can see.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
