I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize