Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
