hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
