cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
