How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am available for nakedness
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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