wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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