I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
