just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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