btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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