"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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