..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Drunk is not a location!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
