i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
