wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
