I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
