You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize