We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
