Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
