yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
