He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
