: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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