last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
