she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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